Part II: Who wins?

Mu'aawiyah ibn al-Hakam al-Salami. When he came to Madeenah from the desert, he did not know that it was forbidden to speak during the salaah. He relates: "Whilst I was praying behind the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), a man sneezed, so I said 'Yarhamuk Allaah (may Allaah have mercy on you).' The people glared at me, so I said, 'May my mother lose me! What is wrong with you that you are looking at me?' They began to slap their thighs with their hands, and when I saw that they were indicating that I should be quiet, I stopped talking (i.e., I nearly wanted to answer them back, but I controlled myself and kept quiet).
When the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) had finished praying - may my father and mother be sacrificed for him, I have never seen a better teacher than him before or since - he did not scold me or hit me or put me to shame. He just said, 'This prayer should contain nothing of the speech of men; it is only tasbeeh and takbeer and recitation of the Qur'aan.'" (Saheeh Muslim, 'Abd al-Baaqi edn., no. 537).

Islam showed us how to differ with one another. Some people think that we should never differ at all and all disagreements should be avoided. Nay, this is an incorrect assumption, for the Qur'an and Sunnah show clearly that when a mistake is made it should be corrected. Indeed helping others do what is right is a requirement of the Deen, sincere Naseeha.

We see when Rasul Allah turned away from AbdAllah ibn Umm Maktoom, the blind man, Allah corrected him in the Qur'an...

"(The Prophet) frowned and turned away, Because there came to him the blind man But what could tell you that perchance he might become pure (from sins)? Or that he might receive admonition, and that the admonition might profit him?" - surah Abasa, 1-4

When Haatib ibn Abi Balta'ah (may Allaah be pleased with him) made the mistake of writing to the kuffaar of Quraysh and informing them of the direction in which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was headed on a military campaign against them, Allaah revealed the words:

"O you who believe! Take not My enemies and your enemies as friends..." - Surah Mumtahinah/1

And so on. Thus we learn that when a mistake happens it should be corrected. However, the method of correction is what needs our attention. Whenever Muslims argue, it is as if each party carries a banner of: 'I must win and you must lose!' Careful study of the Sunnah however shows us that this is not always the case with the way Rasul Allah acted. Consider the following examples:

"I lose and you win!"

A Bedouin came to Rasul Allah and told him, "Give me from what Allah gave you, not from the wealth of your mother nor from the wealth of your father." The Sahaabah were furious at the man and step forward to discipline him for what he said. Rasul Allah commanded everyone to leave him.

Then by the hand, Rasul Allah took him home, opened his door and said, "Take what you wish and leave what you wish." The man did so and after he completed, Rasul Allah asked him, "Have I honored you?" "Yes, by Allah," said the Bedouin. "Ash hadu an laa ilaaha illa Allah, wa ashhadu anna Muhammadar Rasul Allah." (Meaning he embraced Islam)

When the Sahabah heard of how the man changed, Rasul Allah taught them. "Verily the example of myself, you and this Bedouin is that of a man who had his camel run away. The townspeople tried capturing the camel for him by running and shouting after the camel, only driving it further away. The man would shout, 'Leave me and my camel, I know my camel better.' Then he took some grass in his hand, ruffled it in front of the camel, until it came willingly.

'By Allah, had I left you to this Bedouin, you would have hit him, hurt him, he would have left without Islam and eventually have entered hellfire."

"I win and you lose!"

A Muslim should not have an apologetic stance to everything he is confronted with. There are times when the truth must be said, when there is no room for flattery.

When the Makhzoomi women - a women from an affluent family - stole, people approached Rasul Allah to have her punishment canceled. Rasul Allah became very angry and stood on the pulpit and announced, "By Allah, had Fatima the daughter of Muhammad stole I would have cut her hand off."

No room for flattery, the truth must be stood up for. It is here that the etiquette of disagreement that we talked earlier about should shine.

"I win and you win!"

There doesn't always have to be a loser. We see in many cases that Rasul Allah gave a way out for the people he differed with. When he sent the letter to Caesar, he said in it, "Become Muslim and you shall be safe, Allah shall give you your reward double!"

He did not say surrender or die! Nothing of the sort. Become Muslim and you shall win, rather your victory shall be double.

I shall end with this shining example of how to act with other Muslims from our role model, Abu Bakr:

Abu Bakr once disputed with another companion about a tree. During the dispute Abu Bakr said something that he rather would not have said. He did not curse, he did not attack someone's honor, he did not poke a fault in anyone, all he said was something that may have hurt the other companion's feelings.

Immediately, Abu Bakr - understanding the mistake - ordered him, "Say it back to me!" The companion said, "I shall not say it back." "Say it back to me," said Abu Bakr, "Or I shall complain to the Messenger of Allah." The companion refused to say it back and went on his way.

Abu Bakr went to Rasul Allah and related what had happened and what he said. Rasul Allah called that companion and asked him, "Did Abu Bakr say so and so to you?" He said, "Yes." He said, "What did you reply." He said, "I did not reply it back to him." Rasul Allah said, "Good, do not reply it back to him (do not hurt Abu Bakr). Rather say, 'May Allah forgive you O Abu Bakr!'" The Companion turned to Abu Bakr and said, "May Allah forgive you O Abu Bakr! May Allah forgive you O Abu Bakr!" Abu Bakr turned and cried as he walked away. Let us leave today with a resolve to revive this air Rasul Allah and his companions breathed, an air of mercy and love and brotherhood.